How to buy

I was touched by reading about the educational system in Hopi, a native American nation. If a student did not know the answer to a question put to him or her in the classroom, no other student would raise a hand to answer that question. It was considered rude and uncivilized to embarrass or humiliate the first student. It was not important to impress the teacher with one’s own brilliance, and it was thought to be barbaric to advance oneself at the expense of one’s peers.

How’s that?!

Just imagine the scene in the classrooms of the ‘civilized’ nations when a question is asked…

Do not alter your ambitions to match the ambitions of others. Stick to your goals! Well that was my Horror-scope today, and as I screen through what other mom bloggers are writing about, I ponder if my blog is interesting enough or down right stale.

I hear the school children play baseball in the park below my house and I stop for more than a few moments and enjoy the sounds of cheering children, cheering for their classmates and fellow team members. Then I am really drawn in as if it is the world series, I found myself cheering.

Then it struck me…

This is my goal. Not only do I want to blog about breast cancer, but I also want to cheer for the other players- IE. researcher, docs and specialists and I want to be drawn in enough to find myself cheering for each and every individual on the field of cancer… people like  the children below in the park.

So I am taking the plunge and agreed to read the contract for Trusera. I hope to start cheering /blogging as soon as possible. For those who have be following this process, thanks for your input. I will look out for all the pitfalls that are suggested.

See beyond what-is, and focus only on the end-result. 

Look in the direction of what you want. Speak in the direction of what you want. And never again, look back from where you’ve come from. 

This is about the only way, to have a clean slate. Knowing that, everything has happened for a reason, gives me courage, conviction to stand up and move forward. Move on, and create the life I was born to live. 

~n

Hmmm. Three days have gone by, and I have gotten three papers done. English is over and done with No matter what, it’s a relief! Ha Ha Ha, Huck.

Business Paper One was a horrid rush. Not that I didn’t expect it to be. I never thought the time allocated was very fair. But I suppose it is a “seen” paper, with the case study given beforehand to anticipate questions and memorise answers. Not that I can actually do that. I didn’t refer much to the case study throughout those mad two hours though. And I wasted TOO MUCH time on the silly breakeven analysis. It wasn’t well done too. Most of the others were smoked, bluffed, and hopefully, convincing enough to get a good enough mark for SEVEN. Hopefully, too, Paper Two will be the life-saver again. 

Ah. Chemystery. It is a terrible mystery to me. To think I just wasted the past 2 hours watching videos online. I am a horribly ill-disciplined silly student. I ought to be punished Still, first SL paper for the prelims. It is there for me to CONQUER. I think. Math Paper One too. Ah. 

Geography, is a problem. A big, big problem.

The hall is a freezer. Gah. 

Nothing would have been possible if not for divine intervention. Half-way through the business paper today, my mind was all, I AM NOT GOING TO FINISH THIS, I AM SCREWING UP, I AM GOING TO BREAK DOWN AND CRY AFTER THIS BECAUSE I DIDN’T FINISH. But somehow, I finished. Ah.

My heart talks things…

m not sure i wanna listen..

i know its falling in love

which i so try to eschew!

You hum that atonal

….but i refuse to sing along.

Your beats all so normal until the moment u saw him

…but i refuse to loose myself.

you twiddle within for a little glimpse

….but i am not used to waiting for someone.

you hide those arcane feelings

….but i already know your secret.

Those feelings did captivate me

….and i know you skipped a beat.

Now i now why my heart

never listened to what i had to say

….cuz it was already yours!

It didn’t really matter

the many times my heart did beat

…..but just the moments it skipped a beat.

Those were the moments that defined my being.

Just listen to your heart !!!

Do you hate me, too?

I’m not a fan of letting my vulnerable side show, especially to people I no longer truly recognise, I can’t work out if they have my best interests at heart, or if they are standing behind me with a knife ready to be plunged into my back… The shadows pass across my face, and intuition tells me to beware, be careful. The frustrations of vague mirages in desert heat cause outbursts that may be madness, may be truth.

But sand shifts, and feelings have their own way of working out, like a crab escaping from a self-inflicted grave. I’m not comfortable with showing it anymore… But all I do is listen to my heart, and when someone sounds like they’re in trouble my heart leads me to them, like I believe I am the water to quench the thirst. Is it written that this would always be the way? The water turned to salt descending down my cheeks for the first time in these 6 weeks.

Yes, I’m finally hurting. It has been a slow motion fall onto concrete slabs. But I’m glad. Hurting is healing and I am ready to feel it all. The anger (I’m so angry), the sadness (I’m so sad)… It is the final stage of grief. Will I then be free of this? The millstone around my neck, with hieroglyphics I cannot decipher. I see light and I see hope in an unknown future.

I don’t remember what it’s like to feel loved because love was always held at arms length. And I won’t stumble upon such words and ambiguity again until I am stronger of mind, of heart.

For the time being I am now in my fortress made of sand. The door is water, and those I don’t wish to enter will merely melt. So beware a watery grave, I’m watching for the good of heart, I’m watching for only love.

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Do you know why some people are so intolerant? I’ll tell you why. They have no idea what are they talking about. They are afraid of things that they don’t know. What’s more, they hate them. It’s kind of protection. People feel fear so they attect “this thing”. I know that that it’s nothing new that I’m writing about, but last time I realize again that even small knowleage helps to understand different people, different cultures, realigions, nations.

What I want to say finnaly is that very important is education, and work with kids and teeneagrs. Workshops, films, discousions, etc, can make a great thing. When I was a kid I was attending in meetings with children from others churches and religions. Last half an year I was organizator of that kind of meetings. It’s such a great fun for me when I can see that kids want to learn by playing and that they remember so many things about others, and mostly they see more similar things  So if some of you have some possibilities to tell young people abut others, don’t wast time-JUST DO IT! It’s very challenging but it gives satisfaction and happy.

I don’t come the blog,because I have to deal with my matters ,so that I have no time to come.It is a fact that most of people are too busy to wirte blog by themselves,me too.

Lei Feng said: Time is the sponge in water, if you squeeze, you can always get some.We listen to a person to had said: Time resembles the water in sponge, want you to squeeze only, always be meeting some, space actually same also. Today,I queeze some time to meet my weblog’s friend.

You know, all this admin work take a lot of my time,too.i have to deal with this matte with a flexibility way.I like to lose myself in my work, love my work: it’s really exciting.so that my work engages much of my time.

Today,I have free time enough to for own use, I’ll be prepared to make the kind of decisions life requires of me.at the same time,today is very relaxed. so i just walk around in shence to find out what nice things i could see in this place. someone said to him,” Go to the graveyard! Indeed, there is no easier work to be found.”

Friend calls me to play at night,with the night is young…… how would we like to be surrounded with fresh plants while sipping ice cold beer from a sterilized glass, talking.today,the scape will be come true to me. Sounds clever?

so many things to do, to catch up with schoolwork here and yet, all thats running through my mind is that i miss you like crazy.

although you said to study hard, although you said you’ll accompany me. but you haven’t shown it despite myself asking you blatantly. its okay, i’ll survive. i just hope october will come quick and go quickly. i hate mkting tutorials, how stressful. i need to read up in advance.

i need to do my supplementary readings for ssa, ontop of my compulsory ones. then to do summaries for them.

i need to do my materials in advance before lectures, need to get my theories right.

i need more practices for math to familiarize myself. three years series!

i want to get ifg over and done with. so that i can focus better on studies and fencing exco matters.

goodbye.

i miss limzy